Day Six - Back To Good

There are things I used to do before I met him. Things that I have long abandoned and am starting to take back. That might probably be a good sign of things to come. I have known obsession, and it's not a pretty sight to behold. Where your entire life is consumed by your feelings for someone else, there is no space left for the person you used to be to remain. You disappear, until there is nothing left to love, really.

I picked up my guitar and plugged in my turntable. Remember when I used to write songs? I wonder if it's only a state of severe unhappiness that brings out the music in me. I may feel lonely from time to time, but I am not miserable, knowing Ryan exists. He is in the world and he loves me. I could croon about the longing, but it seems like such a petty complain. Maybe, I guess, I could remember times gone by, although that seems counter productive.

I went out for a good run today. My blood is still pumping as much as the adrenaline is flowing free through my system. A different sort of rush. One not dependent on my love for Ryan. I know that may not seem like a good thing, after all is said and done, but it is. It most decidedly is. He has helped me learn how to be happy by myself. For the duration of our entire relationship I have leaned on him in times of sadness. Now I can also do it in times of glee.

Dr. M. used to say that feeling down is normal, but living down is not. As I realize it will soon be 39 days until my love's arrival, I have to think about the old man. I am not living down anymore, no matter how tired, lonely or sad I may be at any given moment. And that is something I can't wait to get to share with Ry. Welcome February! Please hurry along.