Day Twelve - Time Out

I have great expectations for next Super Bowl Sunday. Hey the Packer may make it next year, but most importantly I expect Ryan to be spending a lot of time around me, one way or the other. Today, however, was precisely the day for a time out.

I am of course not going to tell him that. Spending time alone, grilling his steaks and making his beer brats, all stuff he may never get to do alone anymore. To me, hanging out with dad and choosing the opposite team as him felt like a goodbye. Well, maybe just a see you later. I am in the middle of moving on, and while I may be back in Dad's living room next year, watching the Bowl, I hope and pray that Ryan will be along for the ride. Or maybe we will create our own way to spend the day. I don't know. But I can't wait to find out.

I have "watched" many a football game with my boyfriend. That is not why he got the day off from me. It was a great game. I would have been thrilled to share some of the best plays and smile at his reaction to my overreactions. It's a wonderful ritual. Yet, even though we don't talk about it, I am giving him time and space to learn to move on. There are still his trips up north to visit his friends, which will be less frequent when he lives as far south as the US goes. And not to mention the visits to his family which will inevitably become less common. Sometimes I forget that as much as I am giving up, that is probably how he feels as well. To be together, we have to be commited to being in love, and most importantly wanting to spend time around each other.

Which is why I can't wait until these 34 remaining days go by. Everything will be decided with a look at each other's eyes and a kiss. I didn't use to be an optimist but now I am. And seriously, I expect to be proven right.